My spiritual life began in a traditional Catholic family. I delighted in my faith and went to church as often as I could. This meant going with my father to “men only” Holy Name meetings very early on Saturday mornings. I also spent time in church with my grandmother cleaning or playing in the priests vestments while she cleaned. I just wanted to be near God. I loved and still love the mystery, the reverence, the holiness and the ritual that the Catholic faith offered. Unlike my brothers and sister, I loved Good Friday and spent the time from noon to 3:00 reading the scripture recounting the death and resurrection of Jesus or attending the Holy Week services.

As much as I loved my faith, as a young girl I was extremely curious about other faith traditions. At times I found myself engaging in conversations about God while playing with other children at the park. This always left me feeling exuberant and joyful. I also spent as much times as I could with Jewish children down the street. They never came down to play with the rest of us so I went to them. I loved learning about God from the eyes and hearts of others.

I am not exactly sure when my spiritual life became dark. The joy of the Lord just seemed to vanish one day. I believe it was around age of 10. Going through the dark night of the soul at such a tender age was life changing. Not really understanding why my emotions were in such turmoil, I prayed frequently for God to take me up to heaven to ease the pain of living. In retrospect, I was trying to find a way to escape the physical and sexual abuse that befell me quite frequently. For a very long time I carried the guilt that all of what had happened to me was somehow my fault. I came to believe that God no longer cared about me and surely didn’t love me. Around this same point in time my father started to treat me differently. He didn’t like the sadness that had overtaken me and I didn’t know how to explain it to him. From this point on, I grew up very lonely.

I also came to believe that God sends us people to help us along on our spiritual journey. My first and the most amazing spiritual guru I have ever had, Syndie, saved me, mostly from myself. When we talked I felt so much love. Most importantly, I finally had someone to talk with about the God I loved and found hope that God still loved me. Our talks helped me to revisit the God that was formed in my childhood. I started going on retreats. I spent more time in prayer. My favorite time with God was on Saturday mornings. I would get a cup of coffee and a small breakfast and I would search for a church that I could spend time in. I would sit and read scripture or inspirational books as I ate. When I finished breakfast I would spend time praying and singing hymns. God sent many others to me that assisted me in seeing how God is perfect Father and guide. I also had loving people in my life to be companions on the journey.

I had the opportunity to return to school a few years ago to study theology. My image of God changed drastically. I came to learn how much God loves His creation and how God wants each and every one of the creatures to be in a loving relationship with him. Little by little the plan God had for my life started to become clearer. I sought out spiritual direction to work through some of the issues that came about in my childhood. With my degrees in theology I decided to become a hospital chaplain. I will always be searching and seeking out more ways to serve the God of my faith.